Grateful

I love my life, all the ups and downs. Granted, there are so many things that I would want to change. I’m still grateful, and always will be, for the life I was given. I am grateful that I have parents who put all my needs before their own, parents who even though could be overprotective, work hard to give me everything that I could ever want and need. I am grateful that I’ve got brothers who, in their own little ways, look out for me. I’m grateful for my best friends who I know are just a call and text away, never passing judgment. Friends who I can have a good laugh and sad cries with. People I know will stay in my life like family.

I’m grateful for the body I was given – all perfectly mobile and capable limbs, a symmetrical face without deformities, a heart that beats in sinus rhythm with a normal cardiac output, a brain that allows me to memorize and analyze, a brain that functions well in order to keep my body in check. I’m grateful for having the gift of sight and hearing.

I’m grateful for being blessed with the opportunity to fulfill my childhood dream of becoming a physician. I’m grateful that I am almost at the end. This is it, I’d be living the dream!

I’m grateful that I am able to write this on a nice laptop, on a comfortable bed, in a safe well-ventilated, home.

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The Truth Is

The truth is that I miss you. The truth is I want to swallow my pride and self-respect and just leave you a message. Just because I’d rather look desperate than not hear from you at all. The truth is I hate myself for it. I know I’m smarter than this but I don’t want to be smart if it means that I don’t get to talk to you.

The truth is that I still replay everything that happened in my head like it was only yesterday. The truth is that it means a lot to me. Maybe even more than it did to you. The truth is I can still feel your lips on mine. The truth is I want to be in your arms again. Even if I know that you can’t fully give yourself to me.

The truth is I am so hung up on you it hurts me to the bone. The truth is nothing about this is your fault but mine. I knew you were never going to feel the same way but I went ahead with it anyway. Because being in pain is worth it if it meant that I got to know you, hold you, laugh with you.

The truth is I just want to hear from you again. I want to know you miss me even if not the same way I miss you.

Today, I got my heart broken

Today, I got my heart broken. I feel like I want to die. I feel like it is the end of the world. It isn’t. I have a bright future ahead of me. I am going to be a doctor, and that is only half of what most people would accomplish in their whole life. I am going to help people. I am going to help save lives. I am going to impact so many people that this very little problem I have won’t even matter when I do.

I will miss him. I will miss him so much it will hurt like hell. But I will let it. Because heartbreaks don’t have shortcuts. You go through the stages just like everybody else. No one is special. It will hurt like a bitch. I know it will make me want to die but I won’t. I won’t because life is so much more than just one person. There are so many things in this world to be happy about. My happiness shouldn’t depend on a man. Especially a man who doesn’t deserve it.

Would I have given him everything? Yes.

Would I have given up my dream for him? Yes.

Would I have packed my bags and run away with him? Yes.

Would I have left my family and friends behind just so I could be with him on the other side of the globe? Yes.

I would have done all that.

But maybe it’s good that I am not able to. Because that kind of passion is dangerous. The kind of passion that makes you want to forget about who you were before you met that man is wrong. That is not love. That is despair, unhealthy attachment and dependency.

I do not love him, I am certain. But I am inlove with him.

 

Today he broke my heart

Today he broke my heart

And I knew it’d happen from the start

I closed my eyes and smelled his yellow hair

Looked at his blue eyes under his dazzling stare

 

Romeo cannot give what I want

Because it is already in someone else’s hand

And boy I want to make him mine,

And make our souls intertwine

 

Juliet cannot make up her mind

So Romeo’s wandering around blind

He really wants her, wants her bad

And he’s someone I never really had

 

 

 

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His hands had the softest lines that could make any woman go wild. He knew exactly what to do, to get little moans out of you. Second day stubble softly brushes that junction between your neck and jaw, spit coating every inch of your skin it’s so raw. He holds you down and sucks life out of your mouth, because he needs it, he just needs a let out. For every kiss he plants on your lips, is an escape from someone he missed. And every moan he lets out when you suck him dry, is a reminder of when his cock would make her cry. When he holds you down and your eyes lock gaze, you know that he just wished he’d see her face. But you go on because it’s good, and you pull him in to ignore the truth.

 

 

 

Flow Down

Seven days in heaven

Spark burn out so fast and

Only just for you, baby

Because there’s still fire burning in me

 

Made me break my own rules

Made me break down my own walls

I saw a road ahead

While you saw a dead-end

 

Like a thief in the night

Ruined everything in sight

Just because you changed your mind

All I ever wanted from you was goodbye

 

Said I was your baby at day one

Couldn’t wait how far we’d have to come

Got sucked in by your idea of forever

I was all under your water

 

Oh my love, you flow down on me

Drowning and filling me up

Hearing you say those words…

It was a wonderful world

 

Did any of it even matter to you?

Which part of you was true?

 

 

 

 

 

Why Emma Watson Ruined Beauty and The Beast For Me

I totally get the reason for her being casted as Belle. She’s clearly a real-life Belle – beautiful, educated, sophisticated, strong and independent. She’s definitely a good role model. BUT…the movie is a musical.

Everything about the movie was perfect, from cinematography, casting to script. However, when Emma Watson started singing I just felt very uneasy in my seat, I was cringing every time I heard that heavy autotune quality I’m quite familiar with from playing around with Garageband. Clearly, her editor had a hard time trying to hide it’s actually autotuned. It wasn’t even subtle autotune, it’s too much. They weren’t even trying hard to conceal it. It’s smack-in-your-face autotune.

I love Emma Watson (maybe not as much as other Potterheads do) but I just think her voice ruined the movie for me. It wasn’t really singing when she was doing it (especially during the first part of the movie). She merely spoke in a musical voice.

If they wanted Belle to sing, they could’ve just hired someone else to sing for her part, I really wouldn’t have mind. They could’ve at least blended hers with another singer’s voice (a la Zac Efron & Drew Seeley in HSM).