The Truth Is

The truth is that I miss you. The truth is I want to swallow my pride and self-respect and just leave you a message. Just because I’d rather look desperate than not hear from you at all. The truth is I hate myself for it. I know I’m smarter than this but I don’t want to be smart if it means that I don’t get to talk to you.

The truth is that I still replay everything that happened in my head like it was only yesterday. The truth is that it means a lot to me. Maybe even more than it did to you. The truth is I can still feel your lips on mine. The truth is I want to be in your arms again. Even if I know that you can’t fully give yourself to me.

The truth is I am so hung up on you it hurts me to the bone. The truth is nothing about this is your fault but mine. I knew you were never going to feel the same way but I went ahead with it anyway. Because being in pain is worth it if it meant that I got to know you, hold you, laugh with you.

The truth is I just want to hear from you again. I want to know you miss me even if not the same way I miss you.

Advertisements

Today, I got my heart broken

Today, I got my heart broken. I feel like I want to die. I feel like it is the end of the world. It isn’t. I have a bright future ahead of me. I am going to be a doctor, and that is only half of what most people would accomplish in their whole life. I am going to help people. I am going to help save lives. I am going to impact so many people that this very little problem I have won’t even matter when I do.

I will miss him. I will miss him so much it will hurt like hell. But I will let it. Because heartbreaks don’t have shortcuts. You go through the stages just like everybody else. No one is special. It will hurt like a bitch. I know it will make me want to die but I won’t. I won’t because life is so much more than just one person. There are so many things in this world to be happy about. My happiness shouldn’t depend on a man. Especially a man who doesn’t deserve it.

Would I have given him everything? Yes.

Would I have given up my dream for him? Yes.

Would I have packed my bags and run away with him? Yes.

Would I have left my family and friends behind just so I could be with him on the other side of the globe? Yes.

I would have done all that.

But maybe it’s good that I am not able to. Because that kind of passion is dangerous. The kind of passion that makes you want to forget about who you were before you met that man is wrong. That is not love. That is despair, unhealthy attachment and dependency.

I do not love him, I am certain. But I am inlove with him.

 

Today he broke my heart

Today he broke my heart

And I knew it’d happen from the start

I closed my eyes and smelled his yellow hair

Looked at his blue eyes under his dazzling stare

 

Romeo cannot give what I want

Because it is already in someone else’s hand

And boy I want to make him mine,

And make our souls intertwine

 

Juliet cannot make up her mind

So Romeo’s wandering around blind

He really wants her, wants her bad

And he’s someone I never really had

 

 

 

Untitled

His hands had the softest lines that could make any woman go wild. He knew exactly what to do, to get little moans out of you. Second day stubble softly brushes that junction between your neck and jaw, spit coating every inch of your skin it’s so raw. He holds you down and sucks life out of your mouth, because he needs it, he just needs a let out. For every kiss he plants on your lips, is an escape from someone he missed. And every moan he lets out when you suck him dry, is a reminder of when his cock would make her cry. When he holds you down and your eyes lock gaze, you know that he just wished he’d see her face. But you go on because it’s good, and you pull him in to ignore the truth.

 

 

 

Flow Down

Seven days in heaven

Spark burn out so fast and

Only just for you, baby

Because there’s still fire burning in me

 

Made me break my own rules

Made me break down my own walls

I saw a road ahead

While you saw a dead-end

 

Like a thief in the night

Ruined everything in sight

Just because you changed your mind

All I ever wanted from you was goodbye

 

Said I was your baby at day one

Couldn’t wait how far we’d have to come

Got sucked in by your idea of forever

I was all under your water

 

Oh my love, you flow down on me

Drowning and filling me up

Hearing you say those words…

It was a wonderful world

 

Did any of it even matter to you?

Which part of you was true?

 

 

 

 

 

Why I Only Use Facebook Messenger

Facebook is now already a staple in every student’s life. Screw you, Facebook Groups. Even if you don’t give a rat’s ass about how someone spent his/her Christmas vacation, you’re like tied up to a chair and forced to witness someone eat a sushi because you clicked on that small blue F icon on your phone or robotically typed facebook.com the minute you opened your browser. Apart from its detrimental effects to the brain (its effects on focus and attention span), I’m going to list some reasons why I don’t like Facebook.

1. People seem to only find value in the things they do if they are able to share it.

Nothing’s wrong with wanting to share things about your life but some people just have the compulsion to post EVERYTHING. If they aren’t able to do so, the experience is just not complete.

2. People use it to secure themselves of their own relationships.

Maybe I am just good at finding something that I will criticize but there’s a fine line between celebrating your relationship together and using Facebook as a platform for your communication. Not everything needs to be out in the open. Don’t use Facebook to assure everyone, including yourself, that “you’re going strong”, only for you to share broody bitter posts about your ex three weeks later.

3. People don’t live in the moment anymore.

People live for the monopods and the likes they’ll get for the pictures they took. *ehem, concerts* You don’t have to document EVERYTHING!

4. People already have a first impression of you before having met you in the first place.

First impressions are no longer created upon first meeting but the first click on that name and a few scrolls down the timeline.

5. People keep comparing lives.

Because almost everyone’s lives are on it, it’s not difficult to make comparisons. When you make comparisons, you end up feeeling good or bad. Both are messed up. This is the reason why avid Facebook users develop depression. People only post what they want other people to see.

I guess if all else fails, there’s always the deactivate button there that I can click.

The Problem With Being An Independent Learner

Lectures suck. No matter how attentive I am, by the time I leave the room, 2-hour worth lecture is down the drain. It also doesn’t help when I am seated at the very back of a lecture room.

It used to work back in college when students never exceeded 40. But in med school, to me it’s pretty much a waste of time.

It’s not like the only things that will pop up in the exam are the ones being said the lecture. NO. You always have to read the book. So why bother listening to a powerpoint slide narration of your lecturer? Why can’t they just give out the powerpoints at the beginning of the semester and be done with it? Seriously! US med schools do it, and I’m pretty sure the quality of their produced physicians is the same if not better.

What is the deal with making attendance mandatory? Come on! Not everyone can learn in a room filled with at least 100 people. Not everyone can be an auditory learner. I, for one, learn best when reading or watching a video. Lectures just make me want to rip my head off of my body and throw it into the ocean. It’s a waste of time and energy.

Group discussions are great. Let’s leave the attendance-based grading there. Plus written exams, of course. But lectures just waste my time. It even makes my butt big. A lot of studies have proven that attention span of most people is very short! Why make us suffer from sitting in lectures?

I would be glad if med school was mostly home study and the only time I need to go meet up with other students is during group discussions and presentations.